Saying Yes...and No
Saying yes and staying open to opportunities you are attracting into your life is an amazing way to release blocks and start flowing to "your people". But sometimes you also have to say no. Sometimes life and responsibilities are out of your control. And sometimes, you just want to say no. I'm in my 40's dammit. I'm allowed to say no and not have a good reason LOL
After a particularly stressful week with the kids and some roller coaster rides emotionally with one of them, Joe and I had a long and difficult talk about what this unschooling business is really going to look like. And bottom line: my photography has a place in unschooling, but my photography business doesn't. At least not right now.
I'm not going to lie. I was heartbroken once I realized this was the right decision--like pain in my chest for about a day and a half. Any time I thought of it, the tears came and my chest ached. I realized that there is a difference between your intuition and gut telling you something doesn't feel right and having something be right and not feel great about that realization. (for the record: Joe really wanted me to keep the business going because he knows how much I got out of it, but I know in my heart this is the right decision for now!)
We've been in 'deschooling mode' where the kids just take a vacation from school to kind of reset their brains and stress levels before they naturally start to want to pursue their interests (more on that another day). So there hasn't been a plan--in fact, we've been in survival mode.
Between doctor's appointments, therapies, classes, and normal home management and errands, there hasn't been a lot of time for planning activities and really focusing in on things they are interested in.
Not to mention, my brain is always thinking about the business--ideas for Instagram posts and captions, my next blog post, key words and SEO, networking with local photographers, learning more technique (NEED TO KNOW IT ALL!!!), invoicing, contracts, client gifts, etc. It's a lot to try to do while also managing this new lifestyle. There has been a lot of play time between the kids. Which is exactly what "deschooling" is all about
Once the decision was made to wrap up the business (or put it on 'pause' as Joe optimistically puts it), I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and I seriously felt like a thick curtain opened up and I was starting to picture what our new year will look like.
We can travel (no need to check my schedule!), we can do more classes, I can read them books, I can help them start their Etsy store that they've been asking to do for a year. My brain can focus on them and what they want to do and I can do it with integrity knowing that for this phase in our life, it's the right decision. And I might hit the 'play' button again in a few years and step back into the professional photography world.
And I might not. And I'm cool with that! I still plan to be the 'creeper' in the house and document our days and adventures and will be sharing those photos on my Instagram and right here on the blog. I'll also be keeping up with the blogging once a week. I really enjoy blogging. It's something that gives me great satisfaction. With our new unschooling adventures, I'll have plenty to share.
And I'll also be doing more personal writing and posts on stuff I'm digging (roundups, my non-toxic beauty routines and journey, gadgets, books, podcasts, clothes...etc). If I love it, I'll share it.
Also, blogging will be (hopefully) more of a family affair. I'd like to get the kids to write a post every once in a while. One more thing they can learn for real world experience.
The possibilities are endless! Now, to get organized so that we can attempt to do everything they want to do :) NOT my strong suit, but I am determined to get this right!